Allberry continues to excellently point out that God created sex, not us; therefore, how we treat one another sexually matters a great deal to God. God has given every person sexual integrity, thus the violation of it is treason against God Himself. This is why Jesus’ words in Matthew 5:27-28—that even looking at someone else lustfully is the same as the physical act—are so radical. Why?

Because, as Allberry rightly points out, sexual integrity is so precious that it is considered a violation even when committed in the privacy of someone else’s mind…if those people knew what you were lustfully thinking about them, they would feel violated. Because God carefully and lovingly created every person, any abuse of a person is an affront to God Himself.

The #metoo movement has awakened the world’s realization that our sexuality is far more precious than we might realize, thus Christ’s teaching is actually a form of protection for it. Because our sexuality matters profoundly, its violation leads to the deepest emotional and psychological damage, not to mention the physical scars that last a lifetime. This is why we must teach our children about sex (see list of resources below).

There are many Christians who might read this title and think that sex is inappropriate to discuss in the church, convinced that sex is somehow just wrong. But, as Allberry correctly points out, the Bible is chock full of talk about sex and sexuality. The Bible is emphatically for sex, not against it. So why shouldn’t we discuss it? Paul said to avoid sexual immorality, not sexual behavior, and there’s a distinct difference (1 Thess 4:3). The Bible celebrates sexual intimacy in the right setting as something to be enjoyed. In other words, “Sex is like [fire]…in the right context it expresses and deepens a particular form of love. In the wrong context it can cause enormous pain and destruction. This is why the Bible insists on sex being only for a particular setting.” (Allberry)

Far from the supposedly prudish view, the Christian belief about sex is radical: Christians care about physical intimacy “not because we value it so little but because we value it so much” states Allberry. Using words like “body count” further belie and obscure the truth about sex: it is precious…if human beings are precious, it shouldn’t surprise us that the means by which they are created (sex) turns out to be precious as well.

However, while sex is indeed deeply precious, it cannot be where we find ultimate meaning, identity, or purpose…no easy feat in today’s culture since Sigmund Freud redefined sex in the late 19th century, changing it from a verb (something you do) to a noun (something you are). This is wrong: our identity is not found in the people with whom we choose to have sex. Allberry briefly touches on this as well:

“We have made sexuality the foundation to self-understanding. Sexual behavior has therefore become a primary means of self-expression. To restrict behavior is to stop someone from being WHO they are…we’re in essence saying we cannot be fully ourselves until our sexual desires are met.”

What if you were so much more than who you chose as sexual partners? No matter how much criticism it receives, the Christian belief about sex is persistent; it hasn’t gone away, and for compelling reasons. One of these reasons (and there are many) is that sex/romance is not simply an end in itself. We’re tempted to think that sex is the end-all-be-all because, as Allberry correctly concludes, sex or romantic connection is the way we try to quench the thirst of our souls…it’s what we think we need, so it matters deeply to us. Therefore, we’re cautious about a belief system that might restrict it in any way.

Ironically, however, we go through life creating other toxic restrictions to compensate, namely, our own identities. Allberry explains: “Often in life, we are forced to choose between the two: either being fully loved or being fully known…the more we are known, the less we might be loved as a consequence, so we spend much of our lives filtering what others see. It can be exhausting living like this.”

God never intended this type of dysfunctional and unhealthy approach to sex and romance. Sex is divinely created as a sign pointing us to a much deeper meaning, a much greater story. What is that meaning? It will surprise you. I invite you to read Sam Allberry’s Why Does God Care Who I Sleep With? to find out. Singles, it will revolutionize your outlook. Couples, it will enlighten and challenge you in how sex is designed to work within marriage.

Parents, if you haven’t noticed by now, it is impossible to avoid the subject of sex with your kids. Someone will inform your kids about it, whether it’s their peers, the media, or Hollywood, so it would be prudent to grab the bull by the horns and help these young adults navigate those waters in a healthy, God-ordained way (He chose you, after all, to raise them).

Your teens are about to step into a sexual meat market once they set foot on college campus (if not sooner), and if they’re not equipped to face some outrageous situations with grace, maturity, and unapologetic commitment to morality, there will be deep regret. 

Therefore, here are some resources to aid in that noble goal:

Resources/Six-Week Outline for Parents of Teens